This article is © 2003- the Times-World Corp.



LOVE ON THE RUN

Date: August 22, 2003
Section: EXTRA
Page: 1

By STEPHANIE OGILVIE THE ROANOKE TIMES

Of all the times to forget deodorant.

This was the day I'd been anxious about for a month - the day I would speed date for the first time. In case you haven't heard, speed dating is when a man and a woman within a group spend a few minutes together to determine if there's any chemistry between them. There were 15 men and 15 women at my speed date.

The women sit at numbered tables while the men rotate after a bell ends each six-minute session. If a person feels there's a match, they note it on a scorecard, and if the attraction is mutual, the organizer later sends them contact information by e-mail.

Luckily, I had time to grab some Secret before the heat turned up that night. And boy, did I need it as I sat in the warm upper level of Saltori's in downtown Roanoke, across from a man I recognized from high school - as a teacher.

Good thing he was never one of my teachers. That would have been unbearably weird on night that was already weird enough.

Curious about speed dating? Think you could handle its sometimes awkward moments? Perhaps my go-round will help you.

Besides remembering the deodorant, here are my tips for a successful speed dating experience:

Make a good first impression.

I must admit that I put a lot of thought into The Outfit. But I didn't want to appear like I was trying too hard.

I usually wear a lot of black, so I went with that. One of the online advice columnists I had stumbled upon recommended that women wear peach or pink (color experts believe them to be more "approachable"). So I added a pink camisole. (For you men, the experts recommend blue to appear stable, dependable and faithful.)

I also added one of my more striking necklaces to serve as a conversation starter and something that would distinguish me from the 14 other women.

The dating experts also mentioned the power of scent. Cinnamon and vanilla blends are recommended, since they're associated with pheromone-like substances. I just wore my favorite fragrance - Victoria's Secret's Rapture - which one bachelor complimented.

Smile.

But not like a beauty pageant contestant. A genuine smile is a quick way to improve your looks and make you more approachable. One bachelor's smile was so warm and endearing that it prompted me to circle "match" on the scorecard.

Bring cash for a drink.

Preferably an adult beverage. This will help ease the nervous tension as you wait for the games to begin.

Be sure you understand how it works.

When you get to your assigned table, lots of papers filled with rules and suggestions will be waiting for you. READ THEM. As someone who reads like a maniac for fun, I'm embarrassed to admit that I didn't read the directions closely enough. As a result, I filled out the paperwork incorrectly. Not only did I risk getting incorrect matches, but I created more work for the event coordinator.

Don't ask bizarre questions.

Think about what you want to know about your potential dates before you go. I didn't want to make this a Barbara Walters interview ("If you were a tree . . ."), but I did want to move the conversation from the predictable "What do you do?" to something more substantial. I wrote down a few questions that would help me get to know more about their personalities and characters: What do you do for fun? What would your best friend say about you? If you won the lottery, how would you spend your millions?

One of my favorites was "What do you read?" because the answer tells me how interested they are in current events and whether we are on the same wavelength.

I knew right away that the personable bachelor who said he didn't know anything about the President Bush / Iraq war controversy - and therefore didn't have an opinion about it - was not the man for me. (Um, how could you not have an opinion on that?)

When another bachelor mentioned the Fox News lawsuit against political satirist Al Franken and said he read Franken's books, he instantly earned a "match" circle.

This should not be a police interrogation.

Yes, I do have rapid-fire interrogation tendencies. That's my job. But I'm happy to report that most of my conversations were relaxed and meandered smoothly from topic to topic.

Then came Bachelor #14.

He managed to turn our six minutes into an entertaining monologue peppered with deal-breaker questions. I wish I had recorded it for publication.

Within the first 30 seconds, I knew he worked three jobs, lived with his sister and had recently bought a pinball machine. Then came the questions, each one immediately followed by an intense stare while his head tilted to one side and his eyebrow peaked until I answered. A sampling:

"Do you smoke?" [eyebrow peak]

"No," I said.

"Drink?" [eyebrow peak]

"Just socially," I said, pointing to my bourbon and cola.

"Go to church?" [eyebrow peak]

"Nope."

"Did I mention I just bought a pinball machine?"

It was like something out of a movie. Which is appropriate, because this bachelor dreams of making movies - comedies, to be exact.

Stress the right things about yourself.

Maybe I shouldn't have said I watch C-SPAN for fun. I was kidding . . . kinda. But my lame attempt at humor couldn't compare to the no-no that one bachelor committed: making a sour reference to a past marriage.

Another bachelor was so sweet and laid back that it surprised me when he said he was really into guns, knives and his new concealed weapon permit. My face must have twitched, because he instantly followed up with, "but I don't have a gun on me right now." Perhaps he needs the weapons for another of his passions: breeding tarantulas and snakes.

Take good notes.

The whole experience is such a blur that you must write down one or two things (such as "pinball machine" or "guns") to help you pick your matches. Especially when there's more than one person with the same name.

When you're ready to make your decision, be aware of those pesky directions once again. You'll see the choice is between "Match" and "Friend / Business Contact." What I didn't realize was that I didn't have to circle a darn thing. I ended up choosing "Friend / Business Contact" for all my non-matches, thinking this was the polite way of saying "No way, Jose."

Don't fret if you don't make any love connections.

Okay, I'll come clean. I've dispensed all this advice, but I didn't make a single match. I guess the gentlemen I met are as picky as I am.

But that's OK. There's always another time, another place. And at least I know where to play some pinball.

Stephanie Ogilvie can be reached

at 981-3352 or stephanie.ogilvie@roanoke.com.

Want to speed date? Mark your calendars

Sept. 4
Ages: 25-35 @ 7 p.m.
Where: Montano's, Roanoke Cost $30
Organized by: Teresa Banks for Creative Concepts Register: 977-3775

Sept. 18
Ages: (W34-43/M36-46) and (W24-33/M26-36) @ 6:20 and 8:30 p.m.
Where: Charades at the Wyndham Cost $29; $34 after Sept. 11
Organized by : Chera Nelson for Pre-Dating Events Register 871-5858, pre-dating.com

Caption: Photos by ERIC BRADY THE ROANOKE TIMES - 1. - 5.
Bachelorette No. 3: Writer Stephanie Ogilvie reacts to various
potential suitors at her speed-dating table. She and 14 other women
talked to a new man every six minutes. COLOR 6. Potential dates
mill about during the speed-dating event at Saltori's in downtown
Roanoke. COLOR